Sunday, July 26, 2015

My Mom Was a Psychic Vampire

After a few too many cups of coffee and hours spent staring at the ceiling as I tried to sleep, my mind turned over a tarot reading I had received a few weeks before.  My friend warned me about a psychic vampire in my life that was both sucking energy from me and perhaps influencing me in negative ways.  At the time, I had no idea who he could be talking about.

"Psychic Vampire," I think, is a loaded term.  "Vampire" tends to have a universally negative connotation, regardless of how YA authors want to spin things.  "Surely," I thought, "there's no one in my life who is out to actively harm me."

I've always had trouble reading my own cards, but I decided, after a few practice spreads, to see if I couldn't get to the bottom of this little mystery.  Who was stealing my precious energies?  I have Lyme's Disease!  Energy is not something I have in spades!

So, I defaulted to the Celtic Cross spread.  A few deep breaths, grounding, and I dealt the cards. 

Page of Cups: I almost always see myself in this card, especially as a young child and teenager.  So, here we go, this is me.  I'm crossed by the Five of Cups.  I immediately thought: mourning.  Whoever this is, they're mourning for me before I'm even dead.  At the root of our relationship is the Star.  By now, I had realized that the cards were telling me about my mother, who, like the Star, has always been a comforting, soothing presence for me.  I've had a difficult time getting diagnosed with Lyme's Disease, and she's told me often that she hurts because I hurt.  You can look at the rest of the spread for what I think is the obvious outcome, but it comforted me to know that the Two of Cups showed up as the ultimate outcome.

Anyway, I'm posting this because I wanted to relate my experience with a psychic vampire.  Sometimes, they're not insidious creatures out to hurt you on purpose.  They're people who genuinely care about you, but do it in such a way that it almost becomes a burden.  In a way, my mother made me feel sicker because she doted and dwelled on my sickness, instead of moving forward.  She made me feel like a charity case by giving me money and resources that I knew she did not have to give.  Her concern made ME concerned, because I want my mother to be happy, even if I'm struggling. 

In conclusion, if you feel like someone is negatively impacting you in some way, don't assume that it's out of malice.  Sometimes, people don't know how to show you how much they love you.

(For a reading of your own, check out Tyler's shop on Etsy at MysticAngelCards for an affordable, sensitive, and talented presence in your life.)

Sunday, March 22, 2015

A preview of my upcoming book, "Virtual Paganism"

1

Getting Started

Chances are that if you are reading this book, you are already a pagan well-acquainted with the internet. Just about everyone is well-acquainted with the internet, after all, regardless of their religious denomination. Why should pagans be any different? Furthermore, why would someone devote an entire book to the so-called “virtual pagan”?
The answer is really quite simple: modern paganism is a religious, spiritual movement largely defined and shaped by the internet. While Christians, Jews, and Muslims meet in physical spaces of worship, pagans often turn to the internet to find sanctuary and companionship—and while this has invited a great expanse of open communication, freedom, and creativity, there have also been significant downsides to rapid virtual growth.
When I first became involved in the pagan religion (circa 2000 CE), the internet was budding technology. Information about alternative religions was limited. Depending on one's location, books, mentors, and fellow seekers could be twenty, fifty, or even a hundred miles away. For young people (and let us be honest, a vast majority of new pagans are teenagers or younger), even if they could find an alternative book store or metaphysical shop, they would often be unable to afford the high cost of quality materials. When books on paganism and witchcraft cost as much as a day's salary for a young person and libraries refused to carry them, where were they to turn?
For me—and I'm sure for many others—the answer was the internet. However, even the information one could access there was of questionable quality. Just like today, anyone could post anything about any topic, giving the reader the burden of due diligence. Sorting through what was obviously drivel from what could possibly be legitimate knowledge is a daunting task for any new pagan. Often, there is no clear starting point. At the time, paganism had already branched into so many different sects that differentiating one from the other is a near impossible task for someone with no prior knowledge of the subject. Am I an Alexandrian Witch or a British Traditional Witch? And what the hell is the difference...?
Flooded with information, the seeker is forced to turn inwards to evaluate what they truly believe—or they would have, in an ideal situation. In the fifteen years I have been involved with the pagan community, attitudes regarding orthodoxy versus heterodoxy have drastically changed. At the time that I stepped into the circle, so to speak, there was more pressure to conform; one evaluated their beliefs and chose an existing path that most closely aligned with one's personal gnosis. It has become increasingly more common for people to launch out on their own path, rather than retracing the footsteps of their predecessors, but that is another topic for another chapter.
Fifteen years ago, one of the most discussed and very heated controversies in the pagan community was the phenomenon of the “fluffy bunny,” or the new pagan who identified as such because it was “cool” or “alternative” with no true appreciation of the spirituality, and who often fell away from the path when it was no longer convenient or novel. Looking back on it now, I wonder if the community itself was not—at least in part—responsible for the fluffy bunny. Of course, it's irrational to hold one person responsible for another person's silliness, but—in my experience, at least—the pagan community does very little to encourage constancy or steadfastness. My theory is that the fluffy bunny is born out of both immaturity and lack of guidance. Unfortunately, guidance is not a resource that is readily available in the pagan community, and I can't help but think that the variety and wealth of information available to newcomers on the internet plays into the problem.
For the purposes of this book, I will create a hypothetical pagan and take you, the reader, through her journey down the path of virtual paganism.

2

Meet Autumn

Autumn, of course, is not her real name. Her real name is Jessica, but that would hardly fly on the internet, would it? Autumn is fifteen years old and disgusted with mainstream, organized religion. She saw a girl in her language arts class reading Raven Silverwolf's To Ride a Silver Broomstick, but she wouldn't let Autumn borrow it. Because she has no job and can hardly ask her mother and father for thirty dollars to buy a book, she logs onto the internet with a couple of keywords in mind: paganism, Wicca, and witchcraft.
Most of what she learns is bullshit, but she doesn't know that. She's fifteen, and her ideas about sex are nebulous—much less religion. She remembers that her mother once told her that she was an eighth Irish, and so she wanders into the Celtic Paganism websites in an effort to “reconnect with her roots.” On the way, she learns about the basics of Wicca; this, at least, remains fairly steady across the board. She learns that Wiccans worship a God and a Goddess and have a reverence for nature. That's great! She loves being outside. She must be a natural witch.
Of course, her first priority is magic. She wants to change her boring life. Unfortunately, she also learns that magic requires a lot of stuff. Autumn is going to need a wand, an athame, a chalice, a pentacle, herbs, tarot cards, a divining mirror—the list is unending! That doesn't matter, though—she wants it all! Luckily, there are fifteen online shops willing to sell her everything she needs to be a better pagan. Score!
Let's pause here. It's true that pagans take a lot of flak for their tendency to acquire things. We have the clangers, the bangers, the candlestick-makers—people who drip so with pentacles and jewelry that the very idea of sneaking up on someone is ludicrous. We also have people who make a living (a very lucrative living) selling props to pagans, a good percentage of which don't even follow a pagan path.
I refuse to mince words here: paganism has been commercialized half to death. When half of the introductory books come with a list of “tools” that a prospective pagan needs, and the other half is peppered with recipes for incense, teas, or what-have-you, pagans are perpetually bombarded with the message that they need to buy and consume in order to practice.
In a certain way, it is the nature of the religion: pagans consider themselves to be priests and priestesses unto themselves. Whereas in Christian churches, the church or the priest maintain the trappings of ceremony, individual pagans, especially those who have a solitary practice, have a (perceived) need for these things. And with the message that these items are absolutely essential to establish a practice, is it any wonder why so many people fall away from the path? I know when I was fifteen, forty or fifty dollars for a Wiccan “starter kit” was far out of my price range.
The counter argument should be clear enough: there are work-arounds for those who cannot afford tools. In fact, in a vast majority of situations, tools and props are not necessary at all. As a pagan of fifteen years, I know this, and I do not doubt that a vast majority of the audience knows this. But how many introductory or readily available texts address this, really?
The easiest way to learn about paganism and Wicca these days is through e-books. We tend trust published books more than a random site on the internet. However, here, again, is another pitfall. The pagan book market is absolutely flooded with stale, repeated information. They skim the surface of the spirituality and urge the reader to seek further knowledge, but usually offer no advice as to how to go about this. At most, they will give a brief explanation of meditation. There is no depth—no heart.

Autumn, a studious girl, has perused what the pagan publishing market has to offer and believes that she is ready to begin. She has some basic tools and a vague area where she could practice. She waits impatiently for the full moon, because the almanac that she bought told her that her spell would not work under any other conditions—and she needs a boyfriend, quick!
The day (or rather, night) comes, and she sneaks out of her room so that she can hold her first esbat. Before she undresses, she sets up her altar and casts a circle—she thinks. It's hard to tell for sure, because she's so distracted by how stupid she feels. She is in her backyard, naked, holding a letter opener while she chants rhymes—and she thinks this is going to attract male interest? The silence of the night around her is oppressive. Autumn begins to call the corners and gets to the South before she stops. This is stupid; she feels stupid. There is no magic here. She packs her things up and puts her clothes back on.
When she's lying in bed, though, she remembers: for a brief moment, before she started lighting candles and struggling with charcoal and incense, when she was just staring up at the full moon with the night air around her—there was something in that moment. Something special, maybe even divine. She decides that it was her fault. She messed up the ritual somehow, and she goes back to the drawing board.
After some consideration, Autumn decides that she needs a teacher—someone who can help her recapture that feeling. She returns to the internet.
There are forums and networks for just this purpose. In fact, there are several online schools that will teach her to be an effective witch for a small monthly fee. If she had a credit card, that might be an option, but she doesn't, so she decides first to send out a plea for help.
She waits for a response.
And waits.
After about three weeks, when she is beginning to lose interest in the whole thing, she receives a reply from a coven that is about twenty miles away in a larger city. She wants to go meet them, but she can't. Still, this little bit of encouragement urges her to keep trying. She enrolls in one of the free online schools.
She thinks that the school will at least hold her accountable until she establishes a routine and practice that works for her. But about a week into classes, she realizes that this is just the same information she read in books, but parceled out over the course of a few weeks. Autumn doesn't even bother to tell her teacher that she is no longer interested. They never spoke to her personally anyway.
Let us leave Autumn for a while, because Autumn is about to convert to atheism for a few months.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Paganism, Health, and Social Responsibility

Earlier this week, I posed this question to my twitter followers: "Does anyone else feel like it's taboo to talk about weight and health in the pagan community?"  And judging from the silence I received back, I can conclude one of three things: it really IS taboo, no one in the pagan community gives a shit about health, or my twitter followers are the silent type.  Grant me the assumption that it is one of the first two, please?

Whether or not the idea of health is taboo or simply an uninteresting one amounts to the same thing.  The two (personal health and paganism) are not often spoken of in conjunction with one another.  This is likely due to the importance placed on bodily autonomy in most pagan traditions--we tend to favor the individual over the group, and so we figure that someone's health is their own business.  But what if someone else's health BECOMES your business?  I'm not talking about some stranger on the street; I'm talking about your parents, your children, your spouse.  Let me give you a real world scenario:

My husband is fat.  Because he is my husband, our lives are very much entwined, physically, spiritually, and financially.  If anything were to happen to him, I would not only be devastated emotionally, but I would be hardpressed to maintain my own financial autonomy without his support.  And "if anything were to happen" is not some nebulous fear of the future, either.  He suffered a heart attack in November, and let's not bullshit each other, his diet and weight were definitely a factor.

Does he have an ethical obligation to me to get healthier?  If he were only supporting me financially, I would say definitely not.  No one owes me a living.  However, because we do lean so heavily on each other for love, comfort, and companionship, I think he does.  We can say that one person's happiness should never be wrapped up entirely in another person, but, in truth, it is relationships that sustain us.  I could soldier on if something were to happen to my husband, but I would be walking wounded and always carry that loss with me in my heart.

As a pagan, I feel that we are all interconnected, and every loss, be it human, animal, plant, spirit, or what have you, effects someone, somewhere.  And their pain spirals outwards into the world in both a spiritual and physical way--just as our happiness and joy radiates outwards.  Anyone who has worked in the context of a coven can attest that the pains and joys of one witch effect the entire circle.  If one holds the believe that the Earth is an entity unto herself and we are part of Her, I can't believe that anyone would say that health is not important.

And so I struggle with the idea of anyone deliberately causing themselves harm or exposing themselves to risk, whether it be through smoking, over-eating, under-eating, a sedentary lifestyle, or--shit--not wearing a helmet when they ride a bike.  I struggle with this because I also believe in the right of the individual to make decisions for themselves.  When I sit and examine my conscience, I usually come to the conclusion that each person is their own master, and it is not for me (or the State, for that matter) to make decisions for anyone but me. 

But I feel sad, too, because there are those out there who would deliberately deny themselves the full enjoyment of their own bodies and a long life and who would, even more, deny their loved ones their full presence.

And if you're one of those sorts who lives by the Rede, I would think about that.

Social responsibility is something that effects all of us, whether we like it or not.  We can be completely unique individuals, but we are all still only PART of something--a family, a school, a community, an ecosystem.  What we do or don't do effects more than just ourselves, and it's not only you that has to deal with the consequences of your behavior.  Even if it is something as seemingly nonsensical as planting organite in public places, being conscious of the well-being of those around you is something everybody should work into their spiritual practice.

Friday, May 30, 2014

The Witch's Pyramid: Discipline and Silence

I can't seem to recall the last time I heard the Witch's Pyramid being referenced online, if I ever did.  Yet, for many, the Witch's Pyramid remains a cornerstone of their faith, a model for every spell, every ethical scenario, and as a way of life.  For those who don't know, the pyramid goes like this:

To
Know
To Will
To Dare
To Keep Silent

All four pillars are related to one of each of the four elements.  To know, which some interpret as "acquiring the basic information," but which I think is better ascribed to every situation a witch encounters to know when to act or withdraw, is associated with air.  To will is associated with fire, and obviously it is just that: the desire to manifest change, to truly want something.  To dare is associated with water, and it is the impetus to action, putting both knowledge and will to work.  Finally, to keep silent is associated with the element of earth, and, surprisingly, I think it is the corner of the pyramid that most witches today forget.

What does it mean, besides the obvious, to "keep silent"?  In spellcraft, some witches believe that speaking about the spell will nullify it.  Is this what it means to keep silent?  Or what about the Burning Times, when covens had to maintain secrecy above all else?  Does "keeping silent" mean not ratting out your co-worker because she requested Samhain off before you got the chance? 

Well, yes and no.

Keeping silent involves all of those things, but it also involves something else: keeping your goddamn trap shut no matter how much you want to vomit words and useless information over everyone you come across.  The Witch's Pyramid is ultimately about discipline.  It teaches you to assess a situation TO KNOW when you are needed and when you are not.  If there is some worthwhile action you could take, the Pyramid teaches you to look within yourself, to see if your WILL is in accordance with this knowledge.  Just because you could choose to act, does not mean that you desire to.  To make a difficult ethical choice requires a great amount of discipline.  The Pyramid teaches you TO DARE, to try, if your brain and heart can agree.  "To dare" implies a certain amount of risk along with action; to force yourself to take a risk is also an act of discipline.

And if it all goes off without a hitch?

The Pyramid teaches us TO KEEP SILENT, not to brag.  Even if it doesn't go off quite as you intended, the Pyramid still councils the witch to keep her disappointments close to her heart.  Leaving cryptic facebook messages begging for attention is the act of a child, not a witch.  Some might not agree with me when I say that there is a certain amount of decorum involved in being a witch, and that's fine.  However, it is indisputable that there is a lot of DISCIPLINE involved in being a witch.  There is no pastor to call you when you have missed services, no one to nag you about duty or obligation (in most cases).  It's just you.  And if you can't keep from sharing that latest bathroom selfie because OMG LOOK AT THIS PIMPLE than your pyramid might be a bit precarious.  Just sayin'.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

3 Reasons Why Wiccans Aren't Taken Seriously (And Why This Isn't a Bad Thing)

The intent of this article is not to offend.  It is simply a matter of course that Wiccans--and Pagans in general--are not taken seriously by mainstream culture.  I've touched on this a few times in the past, but I intend to really explore this issue with this post.  With that said, here we go!

1.  No one knows what we actually believe.

In general, people are not educated about Paganism and Wicca.  This is not helped by the fact that many people practice their own brand or tradition of Wicca.  In the past, there might have been more resistance in the form of devil-worshipping accusations (at least, every intro to Wicca book feels the need to discount this claim), but nowadays, most Wiccans are met with confusion and the question, "So, what do you--you know--actually believe?"  And worse, it's hard to come up with an answer that is all-inclusive.  There is no short summary that explains all of us.

Why this isn't bad:

What we have is a great diversity of beliefs, and we still manage to get on pretty well!  There is very little antagonism between different groups of pagans, at least not compared to say, Protestants and Catholics.  And, because of the nature of our religion, we can openly swap (and adopt) different ideas.  This results in a very personalized faith, something that I think is easier to hold close than one that is "one size fits all."

2.  Most Wiccans are young people.

According to a recent survey that I conducted on Wiccan demographics, about 47% of people who responded were under 24 years old.  There are probably a couple of reasons for this: Wicca naturally attracts young people because it is, admittedly, a somewhat fanciful religion.  It also represents pretty much the opposite of Christianity, making it attractive to young people seeking rebellion from their parents' religion.  There are probably less "older" Wiccans because, unfortunately, some of the young people who become Wiccan choose not to stick with it.

Why this isn't bad:

Talk to any established church and they will tell you that young people are the lifeblood of the congregation.  Young people bring vitality and new ideas to any path they choose to walk.  Wicca has changed because of its young adherents, for better or for worse.  However, because of these young people, Wicca continues to grow and--more importantly--continues to be relevant to today's culture, something many churches cannot say truthfully.

3.  Wiccans believe in magick and spells.

I mentioned this before when I said that Wicca is naturally a more fanciful religion.  For many Wiccans, magick and spellwork are important parts of their spiritual practice.  Outsiders may not understand the terms, or believe that we are being silly by incorporating intricate rituals into our practice.  Largely, I think this is a misunderstanding on the part of the outsider, who stereotypes Wiccans as impractical or even delusional because they do not understand the difference between Wiccans and witches they see depicted in mainstream media.

Why this isn't bad:

When you get right down to it, there is very little difference between magick, spells, rituals, and praying.  That is to say, in reality, the difference between an esbat and a Catholic mass is really only the setting.  (That is over-simplifying things a tad, but you get the point.)  And what is a spell besides a prayer with props?  If anyone tries to make you feel silly about casting spells or believing in magick, remind them that this is basically the basis of all religion.  Warning: this won't work on atheists.  They think we're all collectively dumb.

Stay tuned for Part 2!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Saya vs SJWs: Part 1

If you haven't seen this photo montage yet, you probably don't frequent the same dark corners of reddit and tumblr that I do.  Congratulations!

In any case, the idea of cultural appropriation and paganism has been somewhat relevant on the 'net these past few weeks, and it's something that I've wanted to address before, but it's hard for me to come down on one side of the argument.  On the one hand, picking and choosing from different traditions and religions is kind of unethical, especially if the tradition from which one is cherry-picking is unknown to you.  Note: I did not say that it is unethical if it is foreign (as in culturally or ethnically) to you, only that if the tidbit you have claimed as your own is something you saw off-handedly in a witch's encyclopedia and it "seemed kind of cool" so you took it.  Kaatryn MacMorgan-Douglas does a good job of addressing the difference in her book The Ethical Eclectic, which I highly recommend.

The other angle from which cultural appropriation is relevant to paganism is what is seen above: aspects of paganism that (most) pagans hold sacred are being appropriated into popular culture by people who do not know (or care) about their significance to a minority group (us).  One such example is the pentagram, which has spiritual significance to a great many pagans of varying paths and traditions, and which is also regarded by mainstream culture as "bad" or even demonic.  While the majority of pagans might be able to brush this off as simple ignorance, others get incredibly butthurt about it.  There is kind of an overlap between pagans and SJWs (Social Justice Warriors, a pejorative term described by urban dictionary as "an individual who repeatedly and vehemently engages in arguments on social justice on the Internet, often in a shallow or not well-thought-out way, for the purpose of raising their own personal reputation. A social justice warrior, or SJW, does not necessarily strongly believe all that they say, or even care about the groups they are fighting on behalf of. They typically repeat points from whoever is the most popular blogger or commenter of the moment, hoping that they will 'get SJ points' and become popular in return. They are very sure to adopt stances that are 'correct' in their social circle").

So, you might say, what's the issue?  Isn't it offensive when the culture at large appropriates our spirituality?  To answer that, I say, the ignorance is annoying, maybe even offensive, but is it really causing us harm?  Some would say that, yes, it does.  It gives people the idea that all pagans are devil-worshippers and so on.  There is a certain truth to that, but my experience has been different.  When I openly wore a pentacle, I received more curiosity than outright damning, and I live in the thick of the Bible Belt.  I have never in my life been accused of devil worship or anything nefarious.  I understand that others' experiences have been different, but I don't see violence against pagans as a really serious problem.  We are seen as silly, sure, and it's a little tiring to never be taken seriously, but crying "oppression"?  Please.

And another thing.  When we say that appropriating ouija boards and pentagrams is offensive to the pagan community as a whole, we are stereotyping members of our own faith.  I, for one, could not give two shits if someone wanted to wear a pentacle or ouija board, because neither of those things means anything to me spiritually.  Saying that I should be offended by that simply because I am pagan is forcing me into a box that I don't belong in.  The pagan community, if indeed it can be called that, is so diverse that it really denies typing of that sort.

So instead of getting huffy about a Supernatural shirt, maybe we should focus on things that matter, like environmental issues and the fact that a lot of our fellow pagans live in abject poverty.  How about that?

Friday, May 2, 2014

An Informal Guide to Spellcraft

This is a selection from my BOS that I retyped today.  I thought you all might be interested.

Casting spells is all about your frame of mind.  Don't approach a spell with a negative mindset; it's apt not to work or do so with disastrous results.  Keep in mind that spells use many elements, some of which are kept secret to protect the witch.  If something doesn't work, look for more correspondences or factors to oomph the power of your spell.  With this in mind, use these questions as a guide for writing your spells

What is the goal or outcome of the spell?
  • Keep this as positive as possible.  Karma is a bitch!

What are the elements involved?
  • Remember the difference between elements (earth, air, fire, water) and elementals (gnomes, sylphs, salamanders, sprites).

What God or Goddess are you working with?
  • Get to know the deity.  Do research before engaging with any unfamiliar presence.
  • Don't invoke something you cannot banish.
  • Make sure there are no conflicts (i.e. do not summon Yahweh and Zeus).
  • Above all: know what you are working with.

What materials do you need?
  • Lighting, candles, incense, and herbs.  Make sure everything fits.

What is the appropriate date and time?
  • The more correct correspondences you have, the better.

What is the appropriate place?
  • Inside, outside, in a park, against a tree?  Be creative.
  • Make sure that there is a back up plan, especially if you are using public areas.

Does it rhyme?
  • A spell can include one word, a song, or a chant.  A spell can also be silent.
  • Use divination to decide what to use and when to use it.

How do you raise energy?
  • Raise energy in the shower, with your own thoughts, music, etc.

How are you going to give thanks?
  • If you are ungrateful, you won't get results.
  • Even if there is nothing tangible, give thanks.

Do a final draft and put a date on it.  This goes in your Book of Shadows.  Make sure you note how you feel.  If you're sick, the spell won't be as powerful.  Where are you mentally?  Are you "present"?

What was the weather like?  What was it supposed to be like?  Does this work for or against your spell?

Who was involved?  People, gods, goddesses?

What was the environment like?  Were there distractions?

How long did it take you to do it?   How long before you saw results?  This is good for future reference.

What did you notice before, during, and after?  Did you see spots?  Ringing in your ears?

What sounds did you notice?  Thunder, lightning, dogs barking, people arguing?  These are important and can be deciphered later.

How long do you believe it should take before you see results?  Use your intuition.  Make check-in points.  Answer the above questions, and you might get a reality check.  Maybe even set an alarm to evaluate the spell and its effectiveness.

Were there any changes?  Even small changes should be noted.

Did it work like you thought it would?  Did you over-exaggerate?  Try not to have too high of expectations, but don't cap yourself, either.

Do you need to change anything?

The more you write, the better your spell will be.